(This article was published by the Camp Ramah Darom Alumni Association in August of 2022)
Our family will celebrate a major milestone this weekend as our son Avi becomes a Bar Mitzvah on his Jewish birthday, the 7th of Av. His birthday coincides with his summer at Ramah Darom, where he is a Shoafim camper, and our family will be celebrating together as he is called up to the Torah in his happy place. Celebrating this milestone holds even more meaning here because, without Camp Ramah Darom, Avi likely would not exist! If you search on the Reshet Ramah website, you will find our names amongst many other couples that met at Ramah Darom and eventually married. Ramah Darom is one of the foundation stones of our union; we even had the honor of having the founding director of Camp Ramah Darom, Rabbi Loren Sykes, as one of the officiants at our wedding in August 2006.
This year, our anniversary will coincide with a little-known Jewish holiday, Tu B’av (the 15th of Av). We learn about this special holiday in the last Mishnah of Masechet Ta’anit:
“Rabban Shimon ben Gamaliel said: There were no days of joy in Israel greater than the fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur. On these days the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in borrowed white garments in order not to shame anyone who had none. All these garments required immersion. The daughters of Jerusalem come out and dance in the vineyards. What would they say? Young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself. Do not set your eyes on beauty but set your eyes on the family.”
We see something interesting in this passage: the criteria for finding a partner were not based on appearance or wealth, but on shared Jewish values. The Mishnah points out that the white garments were borrowed so the young women who could not afford the garment would not be embarrassed. It can also be implied that wealthy women would not necessarily be identified either. The Mishnah adds that one’s family and their connection to Judaism were major factors in finding a partner. These criteria forced young men and women to look beyond the surface.
A Jewish overnight summer camp seems like a strange place to find a partner. Rarely is anyone dressed up in expensive, designer outfits, and I imagine makeup goes primarily unused during the summer. Connections are made on a deeper level.
Alissa and I knew each other from growing up in South Florida, but things did not really click for us until the summer of 2003 when we were both on staff. Suddenly, we saw each other in a different light, and our lives together began. When our family attended Winter Break Family Camp, we were able to take our children to the sacred places in camp where we held hands for the first time, and where we shared our first kiss on the top of the hill. This year, we will celebrate sixteen years of marriage, and we feel blessed to be able to share our love of camp with our children.
Today, most couples meet on dating apps, swiping left or right based on a heavily curated picture that likely does not represent who that person really is, both outside and inside. When couples meet at Camp Ramah, their connection is based on much deeper and more important qualities. The holiday of Tu B’av rarely, if ever, falls during the summer at Camp Ramah Darom, but as you can see from the Ramah Marriages website, every day of the summer has the potential of becoming Tu B’av.
Rabbi David Baum
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